i'm not going to take it anymore

that is tomorrow! tomorrow is the day where i have the right to say "i'm not going to take it anymore" for the whole day, well at least according to hoops&yoyo January 2009
i love them..

I will not tolerate healthy lunches

I will not tolerate sitting idle

I will not tolerate chocolates

:D

On another note, this morning started out on a a bit off pitch. My lovely (and newly purchased) multiple strand delicate chain in silver broke, on the very first day i am wearing it. i wonder which is worse - breaking something on the first day you are using after, well keeping it for ages OR breaking it as soon as you've bought it. That is another story.

That I am nobody but myself

All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was.

I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory.

I was naive. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I,

and only I, could answer.It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with:

That I am nobody but myself.

Ralph Ellison, The Invisible Man

how many chances does one get in their lifetime?
what happens when we fail after trying again and again?
are we at fault when we lose faith?

I lost track of time. I thought I could catch up with time. But of course, I can’t.

All those noise surrounding me, all those emotions are not mine.
I could hear the sound of it, close to my heart, but not mine.
It was never my story. I wish I can offer some sort of solution at times, but I am no saint.
I have my imperfection.
I fazed out, sometimes because I could not say what is best.

I hope I have done my part as a listener.

I try to be myself, but yet I lie. The lies that I weave are oh so intricate.

where is the hand i need?
is that too much to ask for?

I got this thing, though I don't want to
And I'd do anything, not to know you
But the fact that I sing cause I want to
Puts me in a ring of fire
Have you had a day, you had to be alone completely?
Been looking for a place where the streets and the sidewalks are empty?
If I must stay here
I wanna make it perfectly clear
To the ones who know my name
To the ones who care about fame
You should know that I'm the same
It's just a little bit different game
Even if you know me, don't say hello
Got to many thoughts in my head now
Just wanna sit and watch them grow

crystal ball crystal ball

i don't like it when people can see thru me
it's like i'm too predictable
and i'm uneasy about it

Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?

the last song i hear before i sleep, always get stuck in my mind from the moment i wake, played to death in my head

I can't sleep tonight
Everybody saying everything's alright
Still I can't close my eyes
I'm seeing a tunnel at the end of all these lights
Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning

I can't stand myself
I'm being held up by an invisible man
Still life on a shelf when
I got my mind on something else

Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning

Oh, where did the blue skies go?
And why is it raining so?
It's so cold
I can't sleep tonight
Everybody's saying everything's all right
Still I can't close my eyes
I'm seeing a tunnel at the end of the lights

Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning
Oh, where did the blue skies go?
And why is it raining so?
It's so cold
Why does it always rain on me?
Why does it always rain on....

dear you,
i saw the person you are
i am deeply saddened
hypocrisy, never fail to play a part in your life

**************************************************************

dear you,
your actions appalled me
and you disgust me

**************************************************************

words i want to say

but it never left my heart

i know it will hurt you if i say these words

one heart is enough to bear all these

lately there are some comments or rather complaints of the change of my character
i was told that there is a new meaner me
did i change? did i really change?
or it was me all along, i wonder
but back in my mind i wonder if they see the real me
i am not the kind of person to justify each of my actions
i am not the kind of person to lash out at all the tauntings and mockings
i'd rather keep mum
say what you wanna say about me
then there are times when i speak up
all of a sudden i'm a changed person?
my silence was is not a weakness
it merely meant i do not wish to be at the same level as you
i believe, not retaliating at times can really make the world a better place

seasons changed

11.53pm
it's time to sleep
the weather turned humid

easy to be who you are when no one knows your name

do you think you know me if you know my name???

aiks.......

*runs away and hide*

this is me
this is me searching for myself
this is me lost
this is me waiting to be found